Jenny and Mel Take on River Monsters

If you don't like the Animal Planet show, River Monsters, you should probably just go ahead and skip this post.







Jenny: How many times do we have to say it...If you're playing in a South American or African sketchy ocean, you're just begging to get your leg ripped off.

Mel: Just keep all limbs out of the water, and then all you have to worry about is gators and lions and shit.

Jenny: Yeah. Normal stuff.


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Mel: Okay, anything that makes your pole bend THAT much is not something you wanna be hauling to the surface.


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Mel: Why is he standing right next to it IN THE WATER and not holding the tail he JUST said was poisonous and deadly?

Jenny: Obvious Jeremy has book smarts but not street smarts lol.

Mel: For real. But if he did, we wouldn't have anything to watch on Sundays at ten.


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Mel: If I ever get attacked by something nasty, I hope I get to be one of those gruesome stories on this show at least...I feel like it might make the experience almost funny...like "AHHHHH! SHITTTT!! ...Wonder what Jeremy Wade is gonna say about this one?"


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Mel: "...Drive to the brink of extinction"...Umm...good!!

Jenny: It's about time something is!!

Mel: Haha omg seriously! Why is he upset about it when not twenty seconds later they show clips of one hacking some unfortunate guy apart?


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Mel: I don't know if you're watching River Monsters, but if you are...I just giggled when he said "penetrate." This show is on too late.


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Jenny: Is it me or is there a lot more fish blood tonight than normal?
Mel: Ew, yeah....maybe things bleed more in Russia.


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Jenny: "Something is bubbling up" uh yeah! The river turns into blood...read your Bible lmao. If I were the apocalypse I'd probably start in East Russia too.


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Jenny: Why does he care so much about the fish? IT KILLS PEOPLE.

Mel: I know! That's why it kills me that he's a biologist...cause he spends all this time dragging these dangerous beasties out of the water, only to look at it for like eight seconds before being all "welp, better put it back in the water...boo boo endangered...boo boo ecosystem...boo." IT'S GONNA EAT SOMEONE NOW, JEREMY!

Jenny: Exactly what I thik ALL the time! When he was holding that little one, my mom was like 'aww...' I said, 'kill it!'

Mel: Do it now whie it's too small to MURDER YOU.