Someone Should Really Get On That

Mel: You know, someone should write one of those "picked by lottery" stories, and make it seem really obvious the main character is gonna get picked, but then have the drawing ten pages in and just be like "and then I didn't get picked, the end" and the rest of the pages are blank.

Guest edition: Steph

(After a rough night out)

Mel: How ya doing there, champ?

Steph: My pjs are on backwards.

Mel: That is the greatest possible response to that question.

Tests Would Be Soo Much Easier

Mel: My sister's studying for her anatomy test and she's quizzing my dad from her study guide. She asked a true false question, and literally: "Uh, true." "Wrong." "...By true I meant false."

Cougar Town-Sized Wine Glasses

Jenny: Exact quote from Steven: "Looks like you're in luck [for your giant wine glass] Big Frank! Ordered him today, you'll be crying into him in no time!"

Feeling Musical

Mel: You know, you are totally to blame for me listening to South Pacific which led to Anything Goes which sent me to Annie Get Your Gun....now I'm listening to Bye Bye Birdie and having high school feels.

Jenny: Ummmm you're welcome?

Bond. James Bond. (Is Hot)

Jenny: I'd see almost anything with Daniel Craig in it. His back is beautiful. I love a good hard muscular back.

Mel: THANK YOU!!! I get weird looks when I say it but I SO AGREE.

Jenny: Definitely my favorite body part other than biceps. And Daniel definitely has the best back.

Mel: Ugh love it...I get so happy whenever I see him in that beer train commercial.

Jenny: YESS I love that commercial... Heineken is obviously a sponsor of the movie because two people drank one in two different moments.

Mel: That's the best, when you can spot product placement in movies a mile off and you're just like "...subtle."
Jenny: Oh yeah...it's a bright green bottle for God's sake! Heineken seems a little more legit than if say Bond was drinking Coors Light.

Mel: Oh, I was under the impression that Bond shotgunned Keystone...

Jenny: And Dubra. Being a spy doesn't pay all that much. Can't go crazy. Oh, and thank you for allowing me to open Pinterest and see Daniel Craig haha.

Mel: No problem! Thank YOU for reminding me that I needed to add him to my man candy board.

Hyperspace Hangover

Mel: So, I'm watching The Universe...Actual quote: "We can understand hyperspace by comparing it to a mug of beer." MY KIND OF SCIENCE.

Jenny: Whaattt?! Mine too! Why wasn't science class more like that?

That's Not Very Nice, Dictionary...

Jenny: This is in my law dictionary ...look at #1 Lol

Mel: WOW. Haha. "See: peasants."

Explosive Revelation

Jenny: I was watching a show on ancient weaponry...I'm kinda thinking I don't wanna be on the team that accidentally discovered gunpowder..

Mel: Soo...I just got a bra that clips in the front, and I'm just wondering...WHY THE HELL DON'T THEY ALL? OMG IT IS SO MUCH EASIER. I shouldn't have to do yoga to get dressed in the morning!!

Game of Thrones

Jenny: I love Tyrion Lannister. He is the shit, for lack of a better phrase.

Mel: I feel like everyone else is acting within the time period, and he's the one guy who's just like "Pfft, whatever bro, bring on the booze and whores!"

The Wine Cries

Jenny: I got the wine cries tonight. It's definitely a thing....I don't know why, but it totally creeps up on you and all of a sudden you're like hysterical and all, "I HATE ALL MY SHOES!"

Intellectual Television

Mel: Boo-Boo marathon!! I'm prepared to lose brain cells and enjoy every minute of it!

Jenny: YES.

Mel: The mother just used the word "etiquetty." As in, "no one can be etiquetty all the time."

Jenny: Is that the one where Pumpkin and Alana take etiquette class? That poor lady. I love when she's leaving and is practically running to her car and goes, "Do I have my keys?"
Mel: "Fuck, I don't wanna go back! I'll just hotwire my car."

Winter is Coming

Mel: I'm so glad you're into Game of Thrones now. It opens up a whole new world of inside jokes.

--

Jenny: I liked Jamie Lannister before I saw him fuck his sister

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Jenny: I've decided I really want a direwolf.

Mel: That'd be awesome!

Jenny: Right? They're so cute and loyal.

Mel: (And good at mauling)

Jenny: True that

4th graders...

Mel: Omg,  you are never going to believe what a teacher had to confiscate from one of our kids at recess on the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL......

Jenny: What?! What?!

Mel: Handcuffs. Like real, metal ones.

Mel: At least they weren't the fuzzy kind.

On Swimming Records

Jenny: I did see that! "...Called it off due to storms and jellyfish..." Uhh yeah! It's the ocean! There are hurricanes and shit. Just ask a pirate.

Jenny and Mel Watch Merlin, Part 2

Jenny: So now in this next ep, Arthur kills a unicorn. Who kills a unicorn? Honestly? They are just pretty and mystical.

Mel: Haha seriously...leave it to a man to be like "ohhh lookit the pretty white horsey...I'M GONNA KILL IT!"

Jenny: Absolutely! Assholes

Mel: Plus, you know that whole legend about unicorns only appearing to virgins? Sooo now we know that about Merlin and Arthur lol...

Jenny: OMG! I didn't know that but I do now...seems obvious for Merlin but come now Arthur...someone's not even trying.

Watching Merlin

Jenny: I wonder if this happened a lot in medieval times where dragon things just destroyed villages everyday.

Mel: Yeah, like a new person moves in next door, and they're like "yeahh, we had to move because a dragon burned down our last home." And you're like "verily, that sucks man. Our last home? Sat on and squished by a griffin." "Hate it when that happens."

SHARK WEEK!

"I wish I knew I could be badass enough to be on the losing side of a shark attack and have it fuel my vengeance-seeking rage, becoming a one-armed Shark Hunter." -Mel

Jenny and Mel Take on River Monsters

If you don't like the Animal Planet show, River Monsters, you should probably just go ahead and skip this post.







Jenny: How many times do we have to say it...If you're playing in a South American or African sketchy ocean, you're just begging to get your leg ripped off.

Mel: Just keep all limbs out of the water, and then all you have to worry about is gators and lions and shit.

Jenny: Yeah. Normal stuff.


--


Mel: Okay, anything that makes your pole bend THAT much is not something you wanna be hauling to the surface.


--


Mel: Why is he standing right next to it IN THE WATER and not holding the tail he JUST said was poisonous and deadly?

Jenny: Obvious Jeremy has book smarts but not street smarts lol.

Mel: For real. But if he did, we wouldn't have anything to watch on Sundays at ten.


--


Mel: If I ever get attacked by something nasty, I hope I get to be one of those gruesome stories on this show at least...I feel like it might make the experience almost funny...like "AHHHHH! SHITTTT!! ...Wonder what Jeremy Wade is gonna say about this one?"


--


Mel: "...Drive to the brink of extinction"...Umm...good!!

Jenny: It's about time something is!!

Mel: Haha omg seriously! Why is he upset about it when not twenty seconds later they show clips of one hacking some unfortunate guy apart?


--


Mel: I don't know if you're watching River Monsters, but if you are...I just giggled when he said "penetrate." This show is on too late.


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Jenny: Is it me or is there a lot more fish blood tonight than normal?
Mel: Ew, yeah....maybe things bleed more in Russia.


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Jenny: "Something is bubbling up" uh yeah! The river turns into blood...read your Bible lmao. If I were the apocalypse I'd probably start in East Russia too.


--


Jenny: Why does he care so much about the fish? IT KILLS PEOPLE.

Mel: I know! That's why it kills me that he's a biologist...cause he spends all this time dragging these dangerous beasties out of the water, only to look at it for like eight seconds before being all "welp, better put it back in the water...boo boo endangered...boo boo ecosystem...boo." IT'S GONNA EAT SOMEONE NOW, JEREMY!

Jenny: Exactly what I thik ALL the time! When he was holding that little one, my mom was like 'aww...' I said, 'kill it!'

Mel: Do it now whie it's too small to MURDER YOU.

So, Technically This Occurred Via Twitter...

Jenny: Reading outside...away from my computer and TV.

Mel: At this rate, we're gonna be little old ladies surrounded by towers of books...hunched over our futuristic, idk, holographic laptops, going, "I know I just bought six more 3D books but these space cats aren't going to pin themselves!"

Jenny: I was just about to ask if you wanted to take a library trip with me today. I have so many to read and I always end up distracted by Pinterest sooo maybe I should give the ones I have a shot first.

Mel: Story. Of. My. Life. I just downloaded a crap ton of Kindle books since I got it, bought three new books at the Book Nook yesterday, and now just took two books out from the library...but what do I do in my free time? Spend hours on tumblr, Pinterest, Facebook, and Netflix.

Jenny: We are the same person...It's official.

The Olympics and Our Idol

Jenny: And now they are in a rain delay...I said "Who is going to get Kate her umbrella?" And Kelly goes: "Pippa lol."

Mel: Haha yes! I would so make use of my title if I were her: "Pippa, be a dear and fetch me my umbrella." "But, I--" "I'm sorry, WHICH one of us is a princess, hmm?"

Jenny: YES! "Ugh, I'm the future queen, PEASANT. Get me my umbrella and a diet soda while you're at it."

Mel: "GOD HELP YOU IF THERE'S TOO MUCH ICE."